Week 1 in Xela

Where to begin? It’s been a crazy week.

First off, I’ll start by saying that language immersion is hard! I’ve never been this immersed in speaking Spanish and there have been many times this week when I woke up and did not have any desire in me to keep speaking Spanish. I’m discovering that language fatigue is a real thing! There’s moments/days when I feel really confident in my speaking abilities and other moments/days when I do not at all. Even though it’s felt like a rollercoaster, when sometimes I feel like my ability to even hold simple conversations has left me altogether, I am so thankful for the opportunity to grow in this skill. Learning another language is such a gift and it’s been amazing to go back to my room after eating dinner and talking for 2 hours with my host family and realize, “wow! I just got to have an in depth conversation with my host family where I’ve learned a lot about Guatemalan culture and where I also have been able to share pieces of my own culture too.” Sharing about/learning about culture, faith + life with my host mom and host sister who is 23 has been so much fun.

A fun gift this week: Mirielle (my roommate and another Whitworth student in the group) and I got to sit with our host mom and read the Torah in Spanish and English and talk about faith! It’s been such a gift to get to talk a bit about faith with her.

The thing that I hear the most from my host mom and have heard from a lot of Guatemalans is that religion is very divisive, but what matters the most is faith in God. As I learn about the history of this country and the ways that colonization and political violence against indigenous people has played out, I am left wondering if some of this inclusivist rhetoric is because the people of Guatemala are trying to make amends with the complicated history that religion, specifically Christianity, has played in the violence toward and oppression of indigenous people. The Church has undoubtedly participated and played a role in harmful cultural appropriation, oppression, and domination of the indigenous Mayan people and their culture. I’m wrestling with how Christianity has sometimes been used as a weapon of oppression as is seen in many places throughout history. Of course there are many beautiful ways that I know that the body of Christ has partnered with the Spirit of the living God to bring justice, liberation, reconciliation and redemption too. I have no answers, just lots of questions and things to wrestle with. Something that I’ve learned over the past couple years is that the moment we choose to stop asking questions, processing, thinking about, and wrestling with hard things in our lives and in the lives of those around us, we have lost. We have lost because we have refused to take the first step toward healing and redemption. Healing, redemption, and restoration are processes that are often long and hard and painful and they require something of us because we must set aside our own desires and plans to let the Spirit move according to God’s heart.

A big breakthrough moment for me: In my last blog, I wrote about how natural it has felt to be back in Central America after spending 3 months here in 2019. This is definitely true, but something I have realized after being back is that I have grown a lot and feel like I’m in a place where I am learning to engage with other cultures in a healthier way. When I was on the Race, I remember wanting to try and leave behind my own cultural identity. I am now more able to recognize and accept that I come from a much different cultural background than the culture here in Guatemala. In my last 2 years at Whitworth, I have come to wrestle with and understand better my racial and ethnic identity. I have learned tools and gained the language to be able to describe important pieces of my identity that I had not grappled with growing up. Coming to understand my biracial identity over the last two years has allowed me to more fully and more confidently walk in who I am, in who God has made me to be, without trying to change or hide parts of me. Because I have become more accepting of my own unique cultural identity, I feel a lot more accepting of the fact that I am indeed not a native in Guatemala. I have an important culture, cultural perspective, and come from a unique social location that are all important to understand as I seek to understand and interact with other cultures! This feels like a lot of growth to me.

In Matthew 22:39 Jesus says, “Love your neighbor as you love yourself.” I can’t love others (currently my neighbors in Guatemala) of another culture very well if I first don’t love myself and my own culture. I think I’m realizing that I can’t love myself very well without understanding myself and my own culture.

I have lots more to say and share about things that I am learning, but hopefully those things will be written in blogs to come:)

Questions I’m wrestling with:

What does it mean/look like to be a loving/caring/empowering steward of someone and their story?

How do I grapple with the complicated history of colonization in the world, especially as it relates to the spread of Christianity?

How am I supposed to think about ‘missions’? What is Jesus actually inviting His people into?

Don’t have any answers, but I invite you to ask yourself the hard questions and wrestle too. I’m also thankful that we don’t have to wrestle alone, but that we get to wrestle with these things in the beloved community as MLK Jr. described.

Beloved community - a way of transforming people and relationships and creating communities grounded in reconciliation, friendship and human dignity. Amen.

En la paz de Cristo,

Elena